William

The (not so) Marvelous Adventures of the Peanut Butter and jelly sandwich! By William #52: the digestive system Hi kids. It is I. The soft, the fabulous, White bread! But if you notice I am not as dashing and soft as I was before. In fact, I am living in a in a smelly, slimy, slushy sewer! Tragic, Isn’t it. But I remember the when my handsome, fluffy body was turned into the horror I am now. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. I was fluffing my crust for my exclusive on the whole-grain magazine. I was getting ready when Phil (the guy who sits behind me) starts baling about a crisis.” John, john did you hear the news!” he says. “I don’t care what’s on the news unless it’s about me”. I reply. “But John listen, don’t you wonder were Jake and Helen are”. “Yes. I wonder why the two that cover up the gap in front of me are missing.” “Well, Says Phil “It says in the paper that the two were stolen at 8:10, and both Skippy Peanut Butter and Smukers Jelly woke up with fewer amounts of their insides then before the mysterious disappearance accord”. At that moment I was starting to feel scared. Because I noticed, I was next.

My fluffy stomach started to swirl with fear. My head (or the top part of me) started pounding. And then I looked at the clock. It was 12:15, otherwise known as (gulp) Lunch time. I looked outside the bag and I saw my greatest fear, the mother human was walking towards us. “Please get a pizza, please get a pizza”. I pleaded, but when I saw that she wasn’t going towards the phone and that she was headed for the microwave (where she keeps bakery products including us) I was going to faint. “Please get a donut, I know that it isn’t a lunch food but it’s a 4 year old you’re feeding, she won’t mind. Come on”. I wept. But it was too late; she grabbed me tight and put me on the counter. Then I looked next to me and saw Phil “Oh come on.” I thought. “If I have to go through a painful fate then why do I have to do it with my braniac neighbor? This truly is misery. “Hi there neighbor.” He said. “Don’t get mad, get glad.” I said to myself as the filled trash can bag winked at me. Then I saw as the human mother came with Skippy peanut butter and Smukers jelly. “I’m getting divorced, so my last name will be jam soon you got that” Smukers told me. Then the human took out a sharp butter knife. “No. I won’t let you kill me you psycho-maniac.” But then I noticed that she was just cutting the crust off, which in my opinion is worse than dying. “Hey I just fluffed that. And didn’t you know that crust is the best part. Then she took some peanut butter and smeared it all over me. “Stop, that, it tickles” I said. I looked at Phil who is know completely covered in jelly. And then the most horrible thing in the world happened. She took me and Phil up in her arms and began to put us together. “Noooooooooo.” Well know I am getting to know Phil a little too much. In fact I think I am going to cry. Well, the mean human decided to slam us onto the plate which made me a little happy because it hurts Phil more than I. “Quite a ride, huh neighbor.” Phil told me in a happy, but distant voice. Then the mother took the plate and handed it to her daughter. The little brat didn’t wash her hands. “Don’t touch me you slob!” I yelled. “If I am going to be eaten alive with Phil, could you at least wash your grubby little things you call hands”. But as if heaven heard me, the mom sent her child to wash her hands. “Quick” I told Phil. “Let’s escape while we have the chance.” I don’t think we could do that” said Phil. “The jelly is too sticky and we don’t have legs to walk.” Just then the little human girl picked us up by surprise and bit us. Just a few seconds later the rest of us were inside the **mouth **. The girl was chewing with her mouth open so there was light constantly going on and off and on and off and on. I felt a bite here and a bite there; there was tearing in my crust less head. The warm, slimy tongue kept on rolling me around and then something slipped into me. After a second I felt smarter than before, In fact he was smarter than the human named Einstein. And I know exactly what happened. I have Phil’s brain! And sure enough, I here Phil going “Wave” and “Butterfly.” Then the salivary glands (can’t believe that I knew the name of that) started to squirt saliva at us. “Hey this car wash better stop, because I’m not a car.” I yelled as I if were my old self. Then I noticed something. So I thought in Phil’s mind and found out that the saliva has enzymes that begin to break down starch particles into food. So that what’s going on? Then I notice that the mucus in the saliva is helping to push us down the esophagus! I knew that we were no longer food, we were a bolus. “Weeeee”. Said Phil. “Be quite Phil I’m thinking.” Just then we were falling down the 25-30 centimeter esophagus. When we got to the **stomach ** I felt like I was at a lagoon of acid. “Friendly mushroom” said Phil in a swaying motion. It took me a second to figure out why Phil said that. Then I notice that something was squirting at us. I looked up and I found out what it was. “HYDROCHLORIC ACID!!!”. We were being burned and was no longer a bolus. We were Chyme. Chyme, thats a funny name. Well if you would want to ask me how it would be like to sit in a stomach for 2-4 HOURS then let me tell you it is not pleasant. There is nothing to do but sit and get protein broken down by enzymes in the acid. Man, it is boring. but then if thing s couldn't get worse, I have to put up with Phil doing the same thing he did with the mushroom every time he saw food. “Friendly spaghetti”, “Friendly meatball”, and “Evil devil cake”. Then 2-4 hours later we finally exit the stomach and enter the beginning of the small intestine. The **Duodenum **. When we entered the Duodenum, the I met three enzymes. the first one was protein, the second one was bile, and the third one was fat (That was it ‘s name, but it was kind’a chubby). the protein enzymes finishes the break down of any protein, the Bile turns the fat into tiny droplets, and the fat enzymes broke down the droplets. “Butterfly tickles” said Phil. “Be quiet you blockhead, I don’t want to hear anything coming out of your mouth.” I said. Then we were in the small intestine or **Ileum **. Here, funny little worm like things called villi started to take vitamins, minerals, fat, and sugar into the blood stream. But in order to do that, the little rascals had to take it from us. “ooh, stop that tickles” I said while Phil and I were laughing. Well, I thought since we help the little human, than why can’t she do something for us, like get us out of this madhouse!!! Plus were nothing but water and waste. The small Intestine is 22 feet long so it was like the tickling would never end but we managed to make it in the large Intestine, or **Colon **. I take it back, It’s super dark in here. I would rathe be tickled tan in this place. Well in here, most of the water gets absorbed into the colon, which will become sweat or urine. Well I have to say that Phil hasn’t said a word since the Duodenum. Yes! It is the moment we have been waiting for! We have entered the rectum! Now we wait for the **Anus ** to do it’s magi-. Know I’m in water? Wait, I thought that that I would be freeeeeee. And that’s how I got here. The End