Jonathan

Crushed My name is Kevin and you may not recognize me as I am today because… well it is a long story but just let me tell you a hint of what happened to me I am floating in a bowl about to meet my fate. One day the horrible human beings came up to my bag and he looked and my two friends Bob and Hailey. They were natural fresh tasty bread, I guess that is why he didn’t pick me but I was next in line so I knew that no matter what happens I would be next along with my best friend Jessie. So the next day came and we were the next two breads to be in line. We had the thought that we were going to have a good day and well we thought that the maniac wasn’t going to come but guess what that evil maniac came and he got me and Jessie along with peanut butter and jelly and they started laughing because they just loved watching the breads get eaten in front of them. . The next part of the trip was getting cut in half. Well know as we saw the shiny sharp thingy came and he started laughing because he said to me that he can’t get thrown away because he uses me all the time, and I said to him” I don’t see a sharpener on your holder does your owned have one?” and he said” uhh.. No!” he said to me in a harsh tone, and I said” since you don’t have a sharpener you can’t be sharpened and if you are not sharpened your owner will throw you away and you will have the same fate as the peanut butter and jelly cans, **YOU WILL BE SMASHED!!!!!!!** Then I started laughing at him since he did the same as me at first. After all the nonsense he wiped his tears and said it is time for you to be **DIGESTED** and I said “is better than being smashed by a huge thingy and he started crying again and just cut me and Jessie in half so now there is parts of me on her and parts of her on me so now to tell the tale of being digested and I need to hurry up and tell it because by the smell of me now she might notice something bold in the oval office. As she held me and Jessie up she said mmmmm… and with that final word she was chomping and grinding us down with her huge yellowish, and a little pinkish from maybe a pink marsh mellow and then that huge pink thing and it was all gooey and pink and ugly. I have never seen anything more ugly… wait yes I have, it is my brother bob. Man once you meet him, you would have wished you didn’t but since you haven’t I will just continue the story, well, as I saw it come toward me and hit me that pink tongue thingy I got stuck on the crazed humans tooth and it was a gold tooth and I thought I hit gold but man I was wrong and just to let you know if you ever get into a situation like this make sure that you don’t smell the teeth if you get stuck there. Then this tan stick came at me and it was so rude he stroked me off without saying sorry or… man he can’t talk to. Well he knocked me down the esophagus again without saying sorry or I’m coming to get you... man I’ll just skip that part. Well now on to the next adventure, down the esophagus. **OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH**!!!!!! As I went down the esophagus with Jessie she was telling me” hey Kevin man just chill with me and don’t feel scared, this will be over before you knew it” and I said” Oh MY **WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!**” and when she heard me yell it knocked her out of her trance and she screamed and then I fell into the trance and it felt like driving on a smooth road to nowhere and now I know what she felt like and I said the same thing to her and she said the same thing to me as I said to her and then she fell into a trance and stayed in it until we hit the stomach and I knocked out until Jessie woke me up and she said to me “we are in this together now we have to get out of it together, then we screamed because we figured out that we are now a ball of food. And now we are onto the next story and I better tell it quick before again the earthling finds me. As we figured out that the only way to get across to the small intestine and get half way to our destination. So after Jessie said that statement to me I said out loud “let’s do this” and at that we went through the hydrochloric acids and the gastric juices I started to think nothing I just yelled out”**AHHHHHHHHHH!”** I felt that warm sizzling, burning liquid hit my bread parts and Jessie and I were screaming at the top of our lungs. It also grossed me out how acids killed the bacteria and turned it all into liquid and as I saw parts of me turn into liquid I just started screaming again {by the way most of this story is screaming}. I watched protease and the lipase do their work and it was the scariest thing ever {Protease= proteins and lipase= fats}. Now onto the next part of my story and it is the small intestine and that is not the best place to be. That small intestine is the worst place that you could ever be because it is extremely stuffy and very long so if you get stuck somewhere then your other body parts are gone and you will be sad. The small intestine is only 2 inches in diameter and **22 FEET LONG**. The fun part of the ride is that there is some hair like structures and they tickle you and when you don’t know it, they absorbed the nutrients that you have. It feels pretty weird because have you ever had little hairy thingies on you and not knowing what they are, ehhh. It has been 4 hours in here and now I have to tell you the weird hairs are really bugging me know and I just want to get out of here. All though you have little hairs brushing you and taking the nutrients from your worthless and not handsome body of bread anymore, the hairs do fell pretty nice and the drop down is like a long wind tunnel and let me tell you when I saw Jessie going down that tunnel man she looked like she was just a piece of poop and she wasn’t even ready to became poop yet. We need to be in the large intestine to be there… wait, we are going down their right now and this is the next adventure, the **LARGE INTESTINE!!!!!!** Now this is the life this weird tunnel called the large intestine is about 3 to 4 inches around and about I’d say about, five feet long so this may be a little thicker than the small intestine but I don’t care about that I just care about how long it is and it won’t take 4 hours to do this so **BRING IT ON!!!!!!** Okay this is just like surfing the plastic wrappings on the bread bag it is snarly and crazy, if only I had my bread surfer to surf this, it would be AWSOME!!!! I think Jessie is having a panic attack so I will just stop doing anything crazy just in case she is scared of me doing tricks around her. Oh no this large intestine is sucking up all the water in my body and I am becoming really hard and I can’t move my body. Ahhhh!!! No my beautiful body turned into, uhh, poop and same with Jessie. This is the gross part of my body tour, being pooped out. AHHHHH, I can see the light and water, I will escape and Jessie and I will have our freedom. Jessie said in her Texas outlaw voice” Why yall being so nasty and all, yall are not funny”. When we fell into this here toilet that I am in and she didn’t forget to flush but since we are such big excrements along with this here paper type of stuff{ tried to save him and I guess I just wasn’t strong enough} but the paper saved us and so did our body weight and since I am so big along with Jessie that is how I made it here but Jessie here is, well is now in the dirty sewer waiting for me and by the smell of my gooey, sticky and juicy excrement in this toilet that girl is going to come…talking in the background” ewww, mommy what is the disgusting smell” the mom says” I don’t know, did you flush the toilet” the girl says” yes” the mom says “well it doesn’t seem like you did just go check”. Man what is up with this how did they smell me, well my bread brother beat it and maybe you may not get eaten and you won’t end up like me, **A BIG FAT POOP.** **FLUSH **